worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
