Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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