saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize