You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
