My first STD was from a foam party
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
