they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
