i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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