woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
