Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize