I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he fucked my hip out of place.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
