Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
