my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
