At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
