My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
