Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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