Acid is not a monday night drug
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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