please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
