he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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