Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
