kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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