On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
