I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
