I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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