hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
