I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We had to coat check the pizza.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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