oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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