We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
