Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
