did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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