I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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