Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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