If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
