he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
