Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize