I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
