Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
