This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
