oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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