Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
