I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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