remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
