When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
