I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
