Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
