do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
