Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
