Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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