I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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