ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
