Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
