U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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