Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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