Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
