Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
