My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
