mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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