dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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