hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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