My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
