You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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