I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
