I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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