omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
